If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
