I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
