apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
