Please, let me fuck your mom
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
