I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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