"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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