just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
