I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
