dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
