so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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