all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
