your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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