I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
