You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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