I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize