I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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