Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
