ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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