So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You can't just leave with hair like that
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
