so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
