I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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