i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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