hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
