that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
