But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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