if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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