return my video game
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
