Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
