I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
