Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
