At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
