Christians are straight up FREAKS
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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