Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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