I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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