at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
