we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
