i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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