I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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