I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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