I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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