is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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