Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
