I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
