Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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