i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
