Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
