His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
