need another drink. this is the easiest way
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
