I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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