Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
