My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
