I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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