I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
