My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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