Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
