woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
